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I really don’t know how to say this any other way. My dog decided to talk to me the other night and he had a lot to say.
It initially played like any other night really. Once again, I was tossing and turning, in and out of sleep. I was half awake, mulling over my job situation: I want to make money writing but I need an income more. Then the most bizarre thing happened.
“Hey human Bob! This is your best friend speaking! Wake up!”
Who the hell was that? It was a deep, low voice; strong and certain with a hint of a bourbon induced slur. Sounded like Dean Martin actually. I immediately sat up. It was pitch black. The radio clock blurred 3:53 in a dull crimson light. All I could make out was the shadowy outline of Parker, my trusty beagle, sitting upright at my feet.
“Hey boy, did you hear that?” I whispered instinctively. “Someone’s in the house.”
My vision was starting to warm up to the darkness. Parker just stared back at me, his head tilted, his long ears hanging to the side of his head like hand towels on a wall. He turned his head to the bedroom doorway, lifted his nose to the night and sniffed. He turned back to face me.
“Don’t think so.”
I swore Parker spoke but it couldn’t be. I mean his hound drawn lips seemed to move to the words I heard but that was impossible.
“Who’s there?” I yelled into the night. “Whoever it is, I am warning you that I am at this moment retrieving my loaded double-barrel twelve gauge from under the bed. I will shoot you. So leave now and I want to hear the door slam behind you.”
I made some dumb noises in a lame attempt to fool the intruder into believing what I had just proclaimed. I took the ruse to the next level.
“Okay. I’m fully armed and about to call 911 from my fully powered cell phone. Oh yeah, strong signal, four bars. Oh yeah, this is going to be a very clear 911 call.”
“You’re breaking me up. Put the phone down human Bob.”
It was Parker talking. I was certain of it. Nah, it had to be a sick trick.
“Okay, good one Steve. You wired up the dog with a little speaker. Very funny.”
My brother Steve was known to go to great lengths to pull off pranks. But I was pretty sure he was at his apartment in the city, sixty miles away, God knows doing what, and at 48 years old, unlikely to suddenly bother me with a prank—it had been 25 years since his last one. But the mind scrambles to the most implausible scenarios when so duly challenged.
“Don’t think so. Nope it’s me, Parker,” the dog mumbled.
I was positive he spoke again. By now I was sitting straight up, leaning towards him. He just sat there and looked at me with those big dark eyes. His poker face was on.
“Parker? Are you talking to me?”
“Well I’m not talking to myself.”
I leaned back against the headboard. He yawned.
“This can’t be. I’ve got to stop watching Animal Planet.”
“Listen, I’ve got something to say and I’m not sure how long this talking stuff is going to work so …”
“You are talking!” I interrupted incredulously.
“Should you want I bow wow?”
“Holy cow! Parker you are talking.”
“Yup. But I’m not sure for how long. So can I say a few things before …”
“I can’t believe this.”
“Yeah I know. Either can I but if you don’t mind.”
I looked at him with a giant smile plastered across my face. Parker can talk. The dog was talking. Who was I kidding? It had to be a prank. He continued.
“I’ve been listening to a lot of that talk radio and that C-SPAN channel you watch while you write. I’m here to tell ya I don’t like what I’m hearing.”
“You’re kidding me right?”
“Afraid not.”
Oh this was good. I was really hallucinating. Talk-shmalk, I had a few nagging questions of my own.
“Hey, can I ask you something before you get to your stuff?”
“Make it quick. I haven’t got all night.”
“You like smell things a hundred times more than we do, right?”
“Four hundred.”
“Okay, four hundred. Wow! Then I really wonder about this.”
“Yeah I know. Why do we like to sniff every morsel of excrement or yellow patch of urine we encounter on our walks?”
“Now that you bring it up, yeah, why? It must smell like the inside of Dick Cheney’s or Ted Kennedy’s septic tank? And you know how much crap they’re filled with.”
“That was a funny one human Bob. But it isn’t like what you smell. We pick up a lot more notes. It’s a broader pallet if you will. We don’t smell stink. We smell identity, mood, and illness. For instance, you know that crazy cairn terrier down the street?”
“Yeah.”
“She has stomach cancer and her humans don’t have a clue.”
“You are kidding me?”
“She probably has less than six months if they don’t get her to a vet soon.” He paused to lick his right front paw. “Yeah, and another thing. Don’t take me out at nights for awhile.”
“Why?”
“Cause there is a rabid possum living under the porch. That’s why.”
“You know this from the smell of possum poop?”
“Excrement.”
“Whatever.”
“Yup.” Parker yawned as if bored. “So is that it? Can I say what I need to say?”
“Well there is that thing you do with that licking your, you know, your …”
“Penis?”
“Well, yeah.”
“Jealous are we?”
“Well, it’s just that …”
“It’s all about keeping clean. Nothing pleasurable if that’s what you’re driving at. Nothing like what you do with your hand. By the way, I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t pet me afterwards. Nope, no pleasure; it’s all business. You made sure of that when you had me “fixed”, remember. Thank you very much.”
“Oh yeah, sorry about that. I had no idea you knew any different.”
“No idea my butt. I’ll ‘no idea’ ya.” He paused again to lick his right paw again and then continued. “But I don’t hold it against you. We don’t hold grudges. Heck, if we did, we would have mauled most humans dead by now. Which brings me to why I am talking to you.”
“No grudges. Really? I mean that “fixing” stuff is pretty serious. That’s pretty good if that doesn’t bother you.”
“You done? Can I get to my concern?”
“Sure. Sorry. Go ahead.”
“How can humans be so smart supposedly, while they single handedly are destroying the Earth?”
“You mean global warming?”
“It’s more than that. It’s the air. It’s the water. It’s the dirt. It’s the forests. It’s the killing. It’s the anger. It’s the hate. It’s the grudges. It’s the fear. It’s everything.”
“Oh come on. You’re being a little dramatic.”
“We don’t know dramatic.”
“Well give me examples of what you mean.”
“First of all, the air is filled with danger. Dogs, cats, birds, animals of all kinds can smell it. It is our biggest topic when we get together.”
“I don’t smell a thing.”
“Yeah, that’s part of the problem. And you can’t taste the troubled water either.”
“Scientists don’t seem to be complaining. So I should be listening to a dog?”
“We have no agenda. Dogs call it as they smell it.”
“ ‘call it as they smell it’; I’m suppose to just accept that?”
“Yeah, there is a lot you should just accept.”
“Oh yeah, like what else?”
“Well, and here is what I think is the crux of the problem, you keep choosing the wrong alpha humans.”
“What?”
“You’ve got this alpha thing all wrong. Just because animals order their packs based on physical size and strength doesn’t make it so for humans. We do it because we are simple. You do it because you are thoughtless. That’s what we, and I think it is fair to say I am speaking for all animals, don’t get. Humans are able to think things through. But they never do. Well, that’s not completely true; some have but they are mocked or marginalized.
An alpha dog barks and gets all puffy, like that wacky shepherd Sarge from around the block. The worst he can do is break out of his electronic fence and charge one of us. But you humans take it up a notch.”
“Can you give me a for instance?”
“God there are so many. Let me see. Okay, you’ve elected a president who pounds his chest and walks around like a gorilla with its arms all out to the side, all tough and all, carrying on with ‘bring it on’. When he jumps the fence, he brings tanks and bombs and humans loaded down in weapons and in body armor. Meanwhile, you have alpha males all over the place, flexing their muscle in their packs, threatening to obtain nuclear weapons, the great equalizer, giving the president one excuse after another to hop the fence. It’s nuts. And I for one am telling you, you’ve got it all wrong.”
“Well, I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t need to say anything. Just start picking the right alpha humans; humans whose visions see beyond fighting, whose hearts hold no grudges, whose thoughts and reasons are not the products of testosterone, whose collective knowledge is rooted in the concept that true peace is never the consequence of war but the outcome of constant learning, negotiating and adjusting.”
“This is what you want to tell me? Nothin’ for nothin’ but it’s a little heavy for a little chat with a dog at 3:30 in the morning.”
“In a nut shell, yeah.”
It was hard to accept this from my beagle. I mean, he’s a dog; a sleeping, eating, sniffing, crapping dog. I was chalking this whole episode up to stress. I was apparently snapping.
“That’s it. I’m pretty much done. Just one last thing while I have the chance.”
“What? World hunger? String theory?” I asked sarcastically.
“You get the right alpha humans and the world hunger thing will take care of itself, smart ass. As far as string theory, who do you think I am, Hawking? I’m just a dog. No it’s more pedestrian than that, something I think you can manage.”
“Then what, already?” I asked impatiently.
“You know that thing you do occasionally where you empty the dish washer in the buff.”
“Ummm … yeah I guess.”
“Put some clothes on. It’s disturbing. I’m beggin’ ya, please!”
“All right, but only if you lick your privates in private.”
“I’ll see what I can do. No promises.”
“So this is it? No more talking? You know we could make a fortune on Letterman with his stupid pet tricks.”
“It’ll never happen. You see, this is a one time deal. Not sure why or how this is happening. Maybe that God guy is involved somehow. All I know is that when it is done, it is …” He abruptly stopped talking.
“Parker?”
Not a grunt. He yawned and as he did he stretched his front legs out and spread across the foot of the bed, his ears resting flat on the blanket.
“Parker … are you done? Is that it?”
He slowly closed his eyes and floated off to sleep.
“Parker … just like that?”
He began to twitch; in hot pursuit of a fox I imagined.
“Holy smokes. I must be dreaming myself.”
I curled back down under the safety of my covers, scratched my butt and thought about the conversation I had just had with Parker or myself or both. I sniffed the air. It smelled fine to me. What the heck was he talking about, ‘danger in the air’? It had to be a dream.
As I drifted off to sleep, I thought about getting a real job real soon, apparently this writing stuff was getting the best of me. I also made a point to remember to talk to the owners of that crazy cairn terrier. I thought it was the least I could do. One can’t be too dismissive of the unexplainable these days.
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Just about everyone is aware that a male or a female can contact genital herpes from someone who has this sexually transmitted disease. This type of herpes virus is very well known as HSV-2. Recent studies have proven that this herpes virus can also be passed on orally.
Both sets of symptoms are very similar to one another. Blisters and sores can appear on different parts of the body. Although as the name suggests, those who have contacted oral herpes will have signs of the virus on the mouth. While those who have contacted genital herpes will show signs of the disease on the penis of the male, and vagina or cervix of the female. In some cases, the virus may also be inside the urinary tract of both males or females.
Oral herpes will first begin as lesions. Doctors refer to the initial outbreak as the primary episode. These lesions will appear between two to tens days after the start of the infection. These are small red lesions that will mature into blisters, and then turn into full-blown sores.
The infected individual’s gums will become swollen and red. There have been incidents with some patients where their tongues develop a white coating. This condition will last for two to three weeks. After that time, they will dry up, and heal without scaling.
In addition to the obvious physical signs of oral herpes, other symptoms may be finding it difficult to eat, running a fever, feelings of irritability, and muscle pain. The varying symptoms make it very difficult for the doctor to conclusively tell if the patient has oral herpes. It is not until the sores or blisters begin to appear on the face that a final diagnosis of oral herpes can be made.
Oral herpes, just like genital herpes, is passed on while touching, kissing, and during intercourse.
Unfortunately, an infected adult can also unintentionally transmit this to a child with a simple good night kiss. The good news regarding this infection, is that oral herpes can be controlled with the proper medication.
Proper hygiene goes a long way in helping to prevent the spread of oral herpes. People should wash their face regularly, especially the affected area, with soap and water. For someone infected with this disease, it is important to remember not to hold, or even touch an infant, since the immune system of a baby will be unable to fight off this disease.
Oral herpes may last longer than another type of herpes virus. The reason is stress. Those who are not highly stressed individuals can recover in two weeks, while those who have to face the daily pressures of work, or home life, and find doing so to be difficult, will suffer a little while longer.
Anti-viral tablets are the best-known medication to help control oral herpes. Studies have shown that these medications can also help to prevent the disease from recurring.
Some patients are forced to be confined in the hospital, and to undergo IV medication until they recover. This happens only to those patients who are suffering from severe cases of oral herpes, or to infants and young children.
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Semen, or cum, is actually made up of ninety percent (90%) seminal fluids including fructose (sugar) and proteins; sperm accounts for only about one percent (1%) of its total volume and the rest is made up of trace minerals and nutrients.
Many guys are concerned with what their semen tastes like. This may rise from the fact that they want to score blow jobs. First of all, you can stress to your partner that semen will not make a person fat. It contains only about 12 to 15 calories per ejaculation; the same amount found in gelatin or egg white.
Some people say that semen tastes bitter, salty, or even acrid. So for loads of exciting fun in the bedroom, you can make your partner swallow your cum if you make your cum taste better.
Since semen is excreted by the body, its taste and smell would most likely be affected by what you eat and drink. What is the best diet for better-tasting cum?
For one, you should start living a clean and healthy lifestyle. Say no to alcohol, drugs and nicotine. Avoid junk foods and instead have lots of fruits and greens in your diet. Plus, drink a lot of liquids (water).
Drinking fruit juices from pineapple, citrus, and cranberry is also known to make your cum taste sweeter. Throw in melon, mango, apple, or grape, and other fruits that are high in sugar. Likewise, vegetables like parsley and celery are recommended.
There are also some foods that you should steer clear of. Fish and red meat produce a bitter, fishy taste because of their alkaline content. Chemically-processed alcohol can also make your semen taste bitter. Instead, try naturally fermented drinks for a change. Garlic and onion are likely to produce strong odors since they are high in sulfur; so lay off on these.
A better-tasting semen is good; but having extra loads of better-tasting semen is better. The volume of your load depends upon a number of concerns, including age, heredity, and general health. We practically can't change our age and genetics, but we could instead make dietary adjustments. There are various supplements that you can take like zinc oxide, Horny Goat Weed, L-Arginine, L-Lysine which are supposed to boost quantity of your load.
By simply increasing your fluid intake, you can increase the amount of your ejaculation. When your body is well hydrated, your body systems are able to work more efficiently and have less trouble getting water from the bloodstream.
Brian Green
Source: Penis Enlargement Products
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Sexual dysfunction, in one form or the other and in varying degrees, is common among both men and women. According to recent studies, a large percentage of all men and women encounter some sort of sexual dysfunction at some point in their lives. And as they grow older, such problems become increasingly common.
In males, sexual dysfunction may be of different types like lack of desire, failure to obtain and/or maintain an erection, and other problems like premature ejaculation and ejaculatory impotence, or the inability to ejaculate in coitus. Erectile dysfunction, however, is certainly the cause for maximum concern.
For the treatment of erectile dysfunction, three oral medications are available: sildenafil (Viagra), vardenafil (Levitra), and tadalafil (Cialis). They boost the levels of nitric oxide, thereby relaxing the blood vessels and smooth muscle in the penis. As a result, the flow of blood is increased, and erection is achieved and maintained. Whatever may be the cause of erectile dysfunction, sildenafil, vardenafil, and tadalafil have proved themselves extremely helpful. In Europe, another drug under the brand name of Uprima (apomorphine) has hit the market, although it still awaits the approval of the U.S. FDA. Instead of increasing blood flow in the penis, apomorphine acts on the brain to enhance erection.
These drugs should not, however, be used by those who have had a heart problem during the past six months, or those with serious liver or kidney ailments, certain eye disorders, and extreme levels of blood pressure.
In females, lack of libido, failure to become aroused, lack of orgasm or anorgasmy, and vaginismus are the common sexual dysfunctions.
Although no medications have yet been approved specifically for the treatment of female sexual dysfunction, research is continuing on the subject, which includes looking into the possibility of the use of sildenafil in females.
A pharmaceutical major is now about to get the go-ahead for a testosterone patch for the treatment of low libido in postmenopausal women. Falls in testosterone levels are believed to be responsible to a large extent for lack of libido in both men and women. The proposed transdermal testosterone patch, to be marketed under the name “Intrinsa,” is worn on the lower abdomen. Further research will determine who should or shouldn’t use the testosterone patch, and its possible side effects as well.
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The advances in science over the past century have been breath-taking. We’ve seen man stroll casually on the moon, watched in awe as scientists cloned and brought a sheep to life using nothing more than a few strands of microscopic DNA and we witnessed some stunning improvements in the fields of medicine and care – for example, Viagra to some has been the discovery of a lifetime.
Now, it seems, the latest scientifically backed research actually allows a couple to safely and naturally choose the gender of their baby with up to 98% accuracy. The implications of this research are huge and most couples whether they admit it or not would probably prefer one gender of child over the other. This is not at all a bad thing and there are several reasons for this. Perhaps a family with 3 little boys would like to “complete” their family with a lovely baby girl. Until now it has always been wishful thinking and fate has been the ultimate decider – but today, every couple who wish to can choose the gender of their child with a 98% chance of getting the gender of child they would like – and the best thing is that it is completely safe, natural and free. So what are these factors?
Firstly, the diet of the female in particular during and around conception plays a big role in determining the gender of your child. This is because what foodstuffs the woman eats at this time has a big impact on her tract (vagina, ovaries, cervix and fallopian tube) which in turn goes a long way in determining whether she will give birth to a baby boy or girl. There is a comprehensive list of foods that should be consumed and avoid if you want a baby girl, and another list if you wish to conceive a boy.
Another determining factor is the role of sex between the couple. It may seem unlikely, but both penis size and the sexual position during conception will both have a huge impact on whether your baby will be a boy or girl. This is to do with the resilience of the male and female sperms and how deeply they are deposited within the tract. Some sexual positions facilitate deeper penetration than others which explains the role of intercourse in gender selection. The timing of sex is also crucial in determining the gender of your child – in relation to ovulation. Also important is the female orgasm – whether the woman orgasms or not during conception has a significant say towards deciding the gender of the baby. This is because during orgasm certain chemicals are released into the woman’s tract which induce the right conditions for one particular gender of child to be created over the other. Even male and female masturbation plays a role in determining the baby’s gender.
Finally, there are also a number of random factors that can be altered to help create one gender of child over the other – for example certain activities the man does in the hours prior to having intercourse can actually almost eliminate the couples chances of having a baby boy.
I really hope you have found this article useful. The most amazing thing about it all is that the decision of having a baby girl or boy is actually largely in our own hands. Almost all the determining factors are things that we can choose to change, in order to favour having one gender of child over the other – to a 98% success rate. If you would like to find out much more including a tip sheet on exactly what you can do to conceive either a baby boy or girl then the below site will show you how: http://www.global-ebooks.com/childindex.htm
I wish you every success!
G. Eboks
